| Happy Thanksgiving 2006 | | | | fighting for your life. Yet sometimes those small |
| Barbara's continued Ovarian Cancer Story: | | | | things make a difference in quality of life. I felt |
| It's been two years since my last article and I | | | | that I looked healthier and "normal" and that |
| have a lot to share with you. Presently, I'm sitting | | | | translated into not feeling like a cancer patient. |
| in my cozy little office/guest room, in my cozy | | | | The new year brought new resolution to finally |
| house on Whidbey Island, Washington. | | | | make our plans to retire and move. My labs were |
| Rosie-the-cat is reclining on the windowsill and | | | | good, my scans were clear and we moved to |
| we're both staring out at the wind-whipped trees | | | | Whidbey Island in May. We've been involved in |
| and billowing, dark clouds being blown across the | | | | projects ever since. |
| sky. It's very beautiful and I'm very grateful to be | | | | First on the agenda was painting the inside and |
| here! | | | | the outside of the house. Just as John and I have |
| At my last writing, I had just completed eight | | | | been a good team in my healing process, we've |
| cycles of heavy-duty chemotherapy for | | | | made a good team in working on our home. And |
| advanced ovarian cancer and was in remission, | | | | it's been fun! We dug a garden using picks and |
| ready to celebrate a very special Thanksgiving | | | | shovels. We built planter boxes and created a Zen |
| with my family. (See articles 1 and 2 on the | | | | rock garden; we yanked out a huge juniper bush |
| "articles" page at Those holidays were wonderful. | | | | and planted roses and dahlias. At the end of the |
| I felt healthy, had hair, was working and exercising | | | | day we collapsed into recliners with such a good |
| and planning my retirement date, (September | | | | feeling of accomplishment. I've never used my |
| 2005), and subsequent move to our home in | | | | muscles like that before. I'd be exhausted by |
| Washington. Being an inveterate planner/list-maker | | | | 8pm-it was such a good kind of tired. One of my |
| and worrier, I organized the retirement and move | | | | favorite activities was sitting in the dirt, pulling |
| to within an inch of its life. I knew when my last | | | | weeds. The sun on my shoulders, eagles soaring |
| day of work would be; how much vacation time I | | | | overhead, the smell of earth and flowers and |
| had on the books and what day we'd be packing | | | | growing things became a huge part of my healing |
| up. John made his plans to close his office and | | | | process. I visualized my immune system plucking |
| relocate his business. We were done with cancer | | | | out and "disappearing" any unhealthy cells from |
| and ready to move on! Well, as we all know, life | | | | my body with each weed I pulled. Working in the |
| has a way of not always going according to plan. | | | | garden has become a wonderful meditation for |
| We were about to be thrown a real curve-ball. | | | | me. I clear my mind and totally focus on the task |
| In March, we took a great trip to Arizona to | | | | at hand. Learning how to live in the moment is an |
| celebrate my birthday. On the drive from Phoenix | | | | ongoing lesson, and I have to continually find a |
| to Bisbee to visit friends, we marveled at the lush | | | | balance between artful planning and my natural |
| green desert, abloom with flowers after recent | | | | tendency to organize the future. I've learned a |
| rains. Locals told us that this beauty lasted about | | | | greater appreciation of each sunrise and sunset. I |
| two weeks before fading to gold and brown, and | | | | notice the rhythm of my breathing and muscle |
| people had learned not to take it for granted. | | | | movement when I walk and hike. I take time to |
| Well, that's true about anything, isn't it? | | | | pick up interesting bits of wood from the beach |
| The day after we returned from our vacation, a | | | | and decorate my garden with them. I revel in the |
| message on the answering machine said a new | | | | love of my family and dear friends. I consciously |
| suspicious mass had been found on my most | | | | practice NOT taking anything for granted and I |
| recent CT scan, the one I had done before we | | | | try to live each moment joyfully. I have a |
| left for Arizona. I was devastated and furious and | | | | favorite mantra that I recite to myself on my |
| terrified! I ranted and I raved and I screamed, | | | | daily walks. "thank you for all the blessings I |
| scaring John and the cat. What about my plans? | | | | enjoy; thank you for my health today; thank you |
| My retirement? Moving to my new home? What | | | | for my family and friends; thank you for allowing |
| about my life? I don't want more surgery, more | | | | me to spend time in this beautiful place; thank you |
| chemo! I don't want to lose my hair again! I feel | | | | for the gift of life! And wouldn't it be very, very |
| fine and healthy- how can this be happening | | | | nice if abundance cascades into my life and into |
| AGAIN? I had taken for granted that the first | | | | those I love-abundance of health-physical, |
| surgery and chemo had worked and I was cured. | | | | emotional and spiritual; and financial abundance. |
| But in fact, 70-90% of people have recurrence at | | | | I wish I could say that with all the meditation and |
| some point in time. I just didn't think I would be | | | | mantras, I now lead a joyful, positive life. The |
| one of them. I had to completely let go of my | | | | truth is that I have my ups and downs; my |
| carefully orchestrated master-plan and face this | | | | incredibly joyful moments along with times of |
| challenge head on. | | | | fear, sadness and anger. I go into worry-mode |
| June found me back at UCSF for major surgery | | | | when it's time for lab work and waiting for results. |
| for removal of a tumor that was very close, but | | | | I get fearful about any new ache or pain (does |
| not on, the liver. Because ovarian cancer cells tend | | | | this mean the cancer is back?) I vacillate between |
| to migrate to the spleen and gallbladder, they also | | | | should I go ahead and spend money on redoing |
| removed those organs. I was lucky to have | | | | the kitchen now or keep that money in savings a |
| access to one of the best surgeons in the | | | | little longer. Sometimes I feel caught between |
| country and post-op reports stated that they had | | | | living in the moment and wanting to plan future |
| completely removed all the cancer! I used all the | | | | projects for next year, two years from now, |
| same tools to prepare pre op and postoperatively | | | | five years from now. And I still get angry that |
| as I had for my first surgery and my recovery | | | | this happened to me, even though I've learned |
| was good. I was home in five days and back to | | | | many lessons in the past few years. One of the |
| work in five weeks. I started chemo in July. | | | | main lessons I'm starting to grasp is that life is an |
| On December 1, 2005, I had my last chemo cycle. | | | | act of faith. When I was planting the garden, I |
| Other than a very low blood count (I was very | | | | mostly put in vegetables and flowers that would |
| anemic and my white count was very low), I | | | | reward me with bouquets and crops right away. |
| tolerated the treatments fairly well. Acupuncture, | | | | My act of faith in the future was planting a cherry |
| visualization, exercise and supplements all played | | | | tree. My daily prayer is that I'll be around to enjoy |
| an important part in my work to stay as strong | | | | the blossoms and pluck the cherries. |
| and healthy as possible. My hair thinned | | | | This year we will celebrate Thanksgiving in our |
| considerably, but I didn't have to wear wigs or | | | | new home. We'll share our gratitude with friends |
| cover-ups. With the particular drug regimen I was | | | | and family; we'll feast and watch football; and we'll |
| on, there is a 60% chance of hair loss. Before | | | | toast to health, happiness and prosperity. The |
| treatments started, I researched the web for | | | | garden hibernates now beneath a blanket of red |
| any products that might minimize this side effect. | | | | and gold leaves. The tulips, daffodils and hyacinths |
| I found a product called E.V.P.3 Chemaid. The | | | | I planted last week rest and wait until it's their |
| website is: It provides good information and | | | | time to burst forth into colorful splendor. And I |
| research so I decided to give it a try. I don't | | | | rest, write, clean closets and enjoy indoor |
| know if it was the chemaid, the different type of | | | | projects as I wait for spring, when I'll burst out to |
| drugs regimen and dosage, supplements or all of | | | | nurture and be nurtured in my garden. |
| the above, but I kept the majority of my hair. | | | | Here's to rainy days and warm fires NOW and |
| Seems like such a minor thing when you are | | | | digging in the dirt in the FUTURE. |