| As a stage 4 skin cancer survivor speaker who is | | | | but that now through religious devotion they will |
| all too familiar with grief, I believe we suffer many | | | | be redeemed and their cancer taken away. The |
| losses in our life when we have cancer; | | | | most prominent emotion in this stage is guilt, |
| acknowledge the losses and be gentle with | | | | which is a form of self-hatred. People promise |
| yourself. | | | | themselves, their loved ones, or God that they |
| Much of our life is taken away from us while we | | | | will never again do the thing or things that they |
| have to deal with this terrible disease called | | | | have decided caused their cancer to come on in |
| cancer, and our loved ones experience grief along | | | | the first place. |
| with us. It was written by T.S. Eliot, "When we | | | | After a cancer patient has spent enough time |
| grieve truly we do it badly." What this means for | | | | feeling guilty and/or trying to pray their way out |
| you is grief is a normal response to loss and if it | | | | of your cancer, they reach the stage of |
| is resisted or if attempts are made to suppress it | | | | Depression. Now the cancer cannot be denied and |
| to "keep up appearances" these will only result in | | | | it cannot be bargained away and anger has not |
| your making things worse for yourself and those | | | | cured it. Feelings of overwhelming sorrow that |
| around you. | | | | can cause sensations of physical heaviness come |
| Eventually the grief you hold in will explode out of | | | | on. These feelings are normal. When a person is |
| you, or make your cancer even worse because | | | | depressed for any reason, there are physical |
| of the body-mind-spirit interconnection which | | | | conditions that can manifest. These may include |
| defines your whole being. Let yourself grieve | | | | too little or too much sleeping, changes in appetite, |
| "badly" so your grief can be expressed and you | | | | difficulty concentrating on simple or everyday |
| can be a whole human being with your integrity | | | | activities, or being haunted by a constant fear |
| intact. Weep, scream out loud, bury your face in | | | | that someone else in the family is now also going |
| your hands or anything else to express your grief. | | | | to get cancer. Depression should be readily |
| Researchers are in agreement that essentially | | | | acknowledged and talked about with trusted |
| grief comes to most people in successive stages, | | | | friends and family, religious figures such as priests, |
| usually five distinct ones. | | | | psychiatrists, and/or the presiding medical doctors. |
| In the Denial stage, people try to make | | | | Depression can be a lengthy stage, but at last |
| themselves believe that the cancer diagnosis is | | | | comes the stage of Acceptance. This is where a |
| simply a mistake--it's not happening to them or | | | | person no longer resists the diagnosis of cancer |
| their family. This is a self-protection instinct that | | | | nor tries to wish it or pray it away. It is in the |
| often leaves people feeling numb or in a state of | | | | stage of Acceptance where a cancer patient |
| shock. | | | | begins finding the strength to truly fight the |
| Next comes the stage of Anger. Now a person | | | | cancer--this is NOT an acceptance of death. |
| accepts that the cancer diagnosis is not a | | | | Acceptance has paradoxically positive effects on |
| mistake--it's real. But the "why me?" attitude rises | | | | the patient and the loved ones. This is actually a |
| up and there is white-hot outrage that cancer has | | | | type of natural cancer treatment, as it feeds |
| come to them, or a friend or loved one. One of | | | | positive energy into the body-mind-spirit matrix |
| the best ways of handling this anger is to | | | | and facilitates health. |
| exercise or otherwise get some high-energy, | | | | Acceptance banishes guilt, too; for in this stage |
| focused physical activity. People also find it very | | | | the person realizes that it's not their self that is to |
| helpful to discuss cancer with others who have | | | | be hated, but the cancer. Cancer is not a moral |
| experienced it or been touched by it, or to write | | | | issue. It is a matter of needing to make some |
| about their experiences and feelings in a journal. | | | | changes for the sake of one's health. This means |
| This stage spills over into the one called Bargaining. | | | | finding and accepting the changes needed to be |
| Many people here suddenly find religion, thinking | | | | made and then healing body, mind, emotions and |
| they have angered God or the divine somehow | | | | spirit. |