| In addition to the emotional stress it can bring, a | | | | those that have become too big. |
| diagnosis of cancer brings a variety of new tasks | | | | Remember that people want to help. And, often, |
| for the patient and closest caregivers. There are | | | | they just don't know what you need. It can be |
| doctor appointments and chemotherapy | | | | difficult for many of us to accept help, but you |
| treatments - sometimes daily. And, the patient is | | | | might be amazed at how good it makes you feel |
| likely to need help with other things that they | | | | when you allow people to sincerely reach out. |
| once managed on their own, such as | | | | Linda felt so guilty about letting a girlfriend bring |
| housekeeping and meal preparation. It's very easy | | | | over dinner when she was recovering from |
| for the person with cancer and their closest | | | | childbirth. But, her husband had just returned to |
| family members to become overwhelmed with | | | | work and she was taking care of a newborn and |
| the duties ahead. | | | | a toddler and not feeling very well. So, with |
| There are dozens of ways that other family | | | | reluctance, she accepted her friend's offer. Her |
| members and friends can help out. However, all | | | | friend brought over a dish that Linda had eaten |
| too often, the needs of the patient and closest | | | | just once in her life - a few years before in her |
| caregivers don't quite connect with the assistance | | | | friend's home. Linda was so touched that her |
| that others are willing and able to provide. | | | | friend had remembered how much she loved her |
| Hopefully, the following pointers will help those | | | | shepherd's pie that her embarrassment for |
| who need the help and those who have | | | | needing help quickly turned to great affection for |
| assistance to offer. | | | | their many years of friendship. You may find that |
| Patients and Caregivers | | | | letting people help you turns your constant |
| There are many reasons why we fail to ask for | | | | thoughts of cancer and the future it might hold to |
| help when we need it. Perhaps we're just so used | | | | more positive thoughts. |
| to doing things ourselves that we don't think to | | | | Those Providing Assistance |
| ask, or perhaps we crave privacy as we sort | | | | It's natural to want to offer assistance when our |
| through our emotions and don't want lots of | | | | loved ones are going through tough times. All too |
| people around us. But, for most people, the | | | | often, however, when we ask "Do you need |
| reason we don't ask for help is that we simply | | | | anything?" we fail to receive any specific requests |
| "don't want to put people out". But, now is the | | | | for help. Don't let this stop you! There are many |
| time to accept the assistance that others are | | | | ways to get involved even if you don't receive |
| willing to give. If you're worried that you're asking | | | | any direction from the person with cancer or their |
| too much, just ask yourself if you would be willing | | | | immediate caregivers. Here are some ideas: |
| to offer the same assistance if the situation were | | | | Think about the things that we all have to take |
| reversed. If the answer is yes, you're not asking | | | | care of every day. Offer to pick up groceries for |
| too much. | | | | the family at the same time you get your own. |
| The patient and closest family members should sit | | | | The family may be more likely to take you up on |
| down and make a list of items that others could | | | | your offer if they know you're headed to the |
| help with. This helps you to be ready when | | | | store anyway. When you're paying the patient a |
| someone asks to help and also helps you to | | | | visit and you see something that needs to be |
| determine any items that the person with cancer | | | | done - ask if you can do it. |
| deems too private - so you can designate those | | | | Consider the patient's personality. Is the cancer |
| items only to the closest family members. For | | | | patient an avid reader? Then head to your local |
| example, your cancer patient may be quite happy | | | | used book store and stock up. They won't care |
| to have others sit with them so that family | | | | that the books aren't new; they'll be thrilled with a |
| members can get a break - but they may not be | | | | variety of books and magazines to kill time during |
| comfortable accepting assistance from others at | | | | treatments and rest periods. |
| meal times if they require help with the basics of | | | | Use your talents. A friend of mine once spent an |
| eating. Some tasks that others can easily help | | | | entire weekend preparing her sister's favorite |
| with include: | | | | meals for her freezer. Her sister was going |
| · Laundry | | | | through chemotherapy and having trouble |
| · Meal preparation | | | | managing meal preparation. Over the course of a |
| · Trips to the pharmacy | | | | weekend, she put 20 meals in her freezer - all |
| · Dog walking | | | | things her sister really loved. Even though her |
| · Running other errands | | | | sister's appetite had been off, she quickly became |
| · Garden maintenance | | | | more eager to eat once she knew her favorites |
| · Housecleaning | | | | were waiting for her. |
| If you're a primary caregiver for someone with | | | | Be persistent when you want to help. You may |
| cancer, be ready to say "yes" when others offer | | | | find that it takes your friend or relative a little |
| to help. If their offers are not specific, you can | | | | time to get used to the idea of accepting help. |
| keep in mind their talents and time availability | | | | But, soon, you may be able to make a world of |
| when making requests. Is a church member a | | | | difference! |
| seamstress? Have her mend clothes and take in | | | | |