| Often we learn how to communicate in the | | | | increase your opportunities for leadership positions |
| relationships we have with in our family. If they | | | | with in a company and also opportunities to build |
| lack good communication skills then they pass | | | | relationships with people who will eventually |
| along those poor communication to their children. | | | | become your clients if you have your own |
| For example, when a family sit down to dinner | | | | business. So it is up to you to determine what |
| and encourage their children to express their | | | | changes you want to make within your self and |
| opinions than their parents are encouraging them | | | | where it you will go to seek the help to make the |
| to think for themselves. If the family refused is | | | | changes that you need. |
| to and encourage their children to stand up for | | | | There are many things that we can do to |
| themselves and have opinions, then they are | | | | sabotage ourselves to accept ourselves up for |
| teaching them to become insecure inadvertently. | | | | failure because we believe that we should not |
| I like to read a romance novels because they | | | | succeed because the people around us that |
| always show the perfect relationship where the | | | | influenced us the most, instead of trying to help |
| father loves the mother therefore, they also love | | | | us to build self-confidence in ourselves, by all in |
| their children and have a good relationship with | | | | telling you that you were a fill your web or in |
| them. There are some families where you find | | | | words or body language influenced how we relate |
| these relationship but not in the majority of | | | | to the people around us. You can read self-help |
| families that I you of, many families dysfunctional | | | | books that are published to help you make |
| in the way they relate to each other. There are | | | | changes in your personal life. The best known |
| many ways that you can learn to build good | | | | motivational speakers who have published books |
| communication skills and self-confidence in your | | | | on the topic are as big as they left and Tony |
| self. | | | | Robbins. I am currently working on a book that I |
| In psychodrama you can work through personal | | | | have called no one stands in line to become |
| issues by acting out different scenes from your | | | | disabled because there are few books or people |
| home life where you write the script and can | | | | with disabilities to be role models for other people |
| learn to stand up for yourself and build | | | | with disabilities. |
| self-confidence. For instance, we do not always | | | | As a child I grew up in a dysfunctional family |
| understand how other people see us and | | | | where my father physically abused and my |
| psychodrama uses mirroring, where two people | | | | mother verbally and emotionally abused her |
| work together we as one and mirror each others | | | | children. Plus there were no laws on the books at |
| behavior so you can see how others see you. | | | | the time guaranteeing people with disabilities the |
| You can also act out a personal scene from your | | | | right to an education so my teachers did not |
| home life with pertinent other people in your life-- | | | | understand that Cerebral Palsy affects how the |
| group members take on these roles-you tell them | | | | brain processes information or that I learn |
| how that person would respond in the given | | | | differently. It was only after I entered college and |
| situation, you have someone behind you that the | | | | studied mental health, psychology, and |
| becomes your alter ego and help you express | | | | rehabilitation services did I learn that I wanted |
| your true feelings about the family so you can | | | | more out of life and to make the changes that I |
| learn to stand up to them and express yourself | | | | needed to make to build a self confidence in |
| with the self-confidence and tell them how you | | | | myself and learn to live without limits or that I |
| feel about how they treated you and what | | | | could have a future to be come independent and |
| changes you want to happen so you can build a | | | | a live on my own. I have also found that because |
| better relationship with them. This helps you to | | | | my family-- that is my mother and my sister |
| change some of your own thinking about the | | | | want to control me and therefore refuse to |
| relationship and how to change your behavior so | | | | accept the changes-- that I have to keep a |
| you can have a better relationship with other | | | | distance from them and have very little |
| people. | | | | relationship with them. |
| In a transactional analysis Eric Berne talked about | | | | If we make changes in our personal life, but the |
| the parent, the adult, and a child. The tapes we | | | | people who were closest to was refuse to accept |
| hear in our head are the things that we heard | | | | those changes, then we have to learn to form |
| from the time we were children until adulthood. | | | | new relationships with people who are not our |
| For example, the Parent says you should... the | | | | family who can give us the support we need to |
| Adult says I am able to.... the Child says I want.... | | | | become successful in our personal lives. I have |
| what I would like you to do is to write down all | | | | met many people who have married and made |
| the things your parents told you you should do, | | | | their wife or husband and children their family, and |
| write down all the things you have told yourself | | | | have a broken ties with their brothers and sisters |
| as an adult that you are able to do, and then | | | | or parents because it was a hostile environment |
| write down all the things as a child you always | | | | where they refuse to accept the positive changes |
| said you wanted. Look back at your sentences | | | | in that individual. |
| and see where there are negative statements | | | | I have also found that the people who love you |
| and there are positive statements which conflict | | | | the most and is supposed to be the most |
| with each other or to prevent you from reaching | | | | supportive of you, if they lack the self esteem |
| your final goals in life and throw out all the | | | | and refused to change, then they will want to |
| negative statements and write a contract with | | | | hold you back so you can not be successful at |
| yourself the steps you plan to take to reach your | | | | what ever you choose to do, because it then |
| final goal of self confidence. | | | | reflects on them and it makes them feel even |
| Often we are in conflict because we do not | | | | more insecure about who they are. So they can |
| understand our natural behavioral styles or where | | | | believe that they have a lot of power it is |
| our strengths and weaknesses lie. Some people | | | | important for them to control everything around |
| are very dominant and like to control everything | | | | them by talking negatively about everyone else. |
| around them, some people are very outgoing and | | | | In a my family not only do I have cerebral palsy, |
| talk to everyone without any problems, some | | | | but I also have an older sister who is deaf. She |
| people are very detail oriented and others are a | | | | had a lot of potential to become successful, but |
| perfectionist when it everything has to be in its | | | | because it she was always told-- you're |
| place. Now we all have these behaviors with in us | | | | handicapped, you can't live on your own, you can't |
| but some are our restaurants and some are our | | | | hold a job-- her personality was such that she |
| weaknesses. | | | | needed to be encouraged and since she got no |
| It is a very important to learn about our | | | | encouragement from her mother she bought into |
| strengths and weaknesses because they influence | | | | the negativity and to day lives with her her |
| how successful we are whatever we choose to | | | | mother, receives a Social Security check, and |
| do. These behaviors also influence how we view | | | | physically and emotionally beats up on herself. To |
| others and the kind of relationship we have with | | | | listen to my mother she isn't not hurting herself |
| them. Think about the place you work in now, if | | | | so in my mothers' mind she does not really |
| your manager is very detail oriented then they | | | | exist-- therefore it is okay to keep screaming and |
| expect you to be as detail oriented as they are. | | | | yelling and abusing her child. |
| If they are someone that gets things done over | | | | While I was in college my mother would often tell |
| cocktails then they expect you to go out and | | | | me that I would fail and why was I taking those |
| party with them and do business at the same | | | | courses because I could not pass them. After |
| time, if they are very detail oriented been they | | | | entering and studying both mental health and |
| expect you to give them everything in detail | | | | psychology I finally started to stand up to my |
| when you talk to them are when you give them | | | | mother and tell her to shut her mouth up because |
| a report, and if they are a perfectionist then they | | | | she did not know what I could or couldn't do. |
| expect everything to be perfect when you give it | | | | Because of their negativity I do not talk to them |
| to them the first time. | | | | about what I do professionally because they |
| At one time I hired someone to do some | | | | refuse to accept not independence and would do |
| secretarial work for me. When I first hired her | | | | everything they could to sabotage it. My mother |
| she told me that she had some people who | | | | isn't mad at me because I live all way from them |
| refused to pay her for more work. What I found | | | | and she no longer gets a Social Security check in |
| out was that she was a perfectionist and would | | | | my name because all she wants is free money. |
| keep re-doing the same page until it met her | | | | My father died just as I was entering college. |
| standards and then would charge me for the time | | | | Because he came from a family where there was |
| that she spent re-doing the work, and then they | | | | a lot of yelling and hitting, that was all he knew to |
| expected me to pay her for that time even | | | | do. As a child, my sisters would often stock |
| though I did not ask her to keep redoing the | | | | arguments with me knowing that I would be the |
| page. In this respect she was defeating and | | | | one to be it because I was the middle child, and it |
| hurting her own business, because our clients felt | | | | couldn't possibly be my older sister because shes |
| they were being used to increase her income | | | | deaf all my younger sister because she was |
| instead of trying to meet the needs of our clients. | | | | believed to be the angel. Many times I would go |
| So as you can see it is important to learn to have | | | | into my room and close the door and cry |
| a good communication skills because even if you | | | | because I was hurt or I would turn around and |
| work for yourself you need to make sure that | | | | beat up all my sisters because of the abuse that |
| you understand what your clients needs are and | | | | was being heaped on me. After beginning to |
| not try to read their mind as to what their needs | | | | study psychology and understanding why I did |
| are. In the workplace having good communication | | | | what I did I knew I wanted to make changes in |
| skills helps you build relationships with your | | | | myself. As I made these changes because my |
| coworkers. It also helps you increase your worth | | | | mother likes a hostile environment, she refused to |
| to the company you work for an increases your | | | | accept the positive things that were happening to |
| opportunity for promotion with in the company. | | | | me, and since she controlled the money she felt |
| Having good communication skills helps you | | | | she had a right to mistreat me. |