| With cancer on the rise, there is hardly anyone | | | | an honest assessment, based on your knowledge |
| who doesn't at least know of someone who has | | | | of what is asked. Don't sugar coat matters or talk |
| cancer. If you have a friend or relative who has | | | | out of your expertise. |
| cancer ,what can you do to give him/ her | | | | Offer to do research on the subject if you can't |
| support? Knowing how to interact with a cancer | | | | give an honest answer. But don't offer conflicting |
| patient can mean the difference between actually | | | | advice to a cancer patient. By that I mean, don't |
| supporting the friend or causing them more | | | | tell the patient that his choice of doctors, or |
| stress. | | | | choice of treatments is wrong. When a seriously ill |
| When you first hear that a friend or family | | | | person is confronted with conflicting advice about |
| member is dealing with cancer, your first emotion | | | | their condition, that only proves to add stress to |
| is probably one of pity. Pity is good, if it is | | | | his already stressed condition. The conflict exists |
| followed by action. In fact one definition of pity is | | | | between his confidence in one method that he |
| "to be moved to action in a pitiable situation". The | | | | has decided upon with conviction and trust, and |
| Bible uses the term "moved with pity" to describe | | | | another that has been proposed by someone he |
| the emotion Jesus felt when he saw crowds of | | | | has trust in and perhaps love for. Whenever the |
| people in misery. He immediately relieved the | | | | person is around the loved one that has a |
| people of their misery. Of course you cannot | | | | differing opinion than his doctor....the stress builds. |
| remove the cancer from your friend or family | | | | Stress is not good for a cancer patient. |
| member, no matter how much pity you have for | | | | Another very practical thing you can do for a |
| them. However, you can do some things that | | | | cancer victim is to take them for their |
| show that you truly feel pity for them. | | | | treatments or their doctor visits. If their spouse is |
| One of the best things you can do is listen to | | | | working and can't accompany the patient, a friend |
| them when they talk about their condition and | | | | can be a wonderful aid in this department. This will |
| how they feel about it. Don't shy away from | | | | be appreciated both by the patient and the family. |
| them. They have cancer, not the plague. What a | | | | Often the visits, whether for a treatment or just |
| cancer victim needs most is friends. A friend | | | | a routine visit can be nerve racking. If a |
| listens without judgment. So, when they are telling | | | | treatment is given, sickness often follows and a |
| you how depressed they are and how negative | | | | friend's loving presence is comforting. Another |
| they feel about the possible outcomes, listen. Do | | | | helpful task is preparing meals for the family while |
| not contradict them. Do not say things like..." You | | | | the patient is in the hospital and recovering. If the |
| are not going to die" or "You will be back to | | | | patient lives alone, meals can be prepared for |
| normal in no time"....these words, although well | | | | their recovery period. Preparing meals that can be |
| meant and sounding positive are not what the | | | | frozen and stored for later use is a very practical |
| cancer victim needs to hear. Many times the | | | | version of this. If the recuperation period is going |
| reality is that they very well may die and they | | | | to be a lengthy one, several friends can |
| may never be able to live as they did in the past. | | | | coordinate meal preparation. A third way to help |
| A friend will acknowledge those facts and help the | | | | the cancer patient...especially if their insurance isn't |
| victim deal with those possible realities. A better | | | | adequate to cover the expenses involved in the |
| response to the negative feelings that the patient | | | | surgeries and treatments, is to offer financial |
| is experiencing is to acknowledge those feelings. | | | | assistance, either in the form of a loan, a gift, or |
| Agree with them that the possibility of them | | | | research of charitable organizations that might be |
| dying is very real and offer to do whatever you | | | | of assistance. |
| can to help them face that issue by helping them | | | | If the cancer victim refuses your offers for help, |
| get their affairs in order before that happens, or | | | | try offering the help in a different way. Instead of |
| offering to help in their care up to that time. | | | | saying, "If you need someone to do this or |
| Assure them that you will be with them all the | | | | that...call me". Ask for specific dates for surgeries, |
| way to the end. On the other hand, if the cancer | | | | treatments or other "events" involving their |
| is not of a terminal type and the risk of death is | | | | condition and then say, "I will pick you up at |
| not very great , a response to the negative | | | | [specified time] and take you to[specified place]. |
| outlook of the patient might be: "Yes, you might | | | | Instead of asking if you can prepare meals, just |
| die. That could be an outcome, but you have | | | | do it and bring them over when needed. Many |
| survived other things that came your | | | | people are "proud" and will not accept an offer of |
| way....remember when...( cite a true experience | | | | help. However, if they are met with help, most |
| the patient has been through that was hard for | | | | won't refuse it and are really happy to receive it. |
| them.) If the patient continues to be negative, it is | | | | The main things to remember about supporting a |
| well just to listen. Sometimes just venting | | | | cancer victim is to "be there" for the patient. Do |
| negative feelings is a way of relieving stress . Just | | | | not ignore them and do not contradict them. Be a |
| talking negative thoughts through eventually ends | | | | good listener and try to help them in practical |
| up positive. If the patient asks for an opinion, give | | | | ways. |