Who Am I? I Just Want to Be Me - Why Can't I?

Everyone around me expects me to be just likeand anxiety to people around her. They don't
a normal person - that is, one without cancer. Butwant to hear it, it's too frightening for them. She
I'm NOT. I never will be that person again. Thesedoes NEED to say it though. She is fragile
are the feelings of one with cancer of any kind.emotionally, feeling unable at times to cope with
I always have to be positive for everyone. Inormal life (even small things like no phone calls
know that in some fashion, my lymphoma willget to her). She doesn't NEED the stress of
probably appear again, probably sooner than later,anything right now. She needs support and
but no one wants to hear me say that. It is notunderstanding, take over her responsibilities, go
negative thinking, just being realistic. This patientout to lunch, anything - just be there. It's enough
has suffered with the disease and now suffersdealing with the cancer. Her patience with trivia
the rejection of her friends and family.and annoying people has worn thin. People don't
A new lump is reason to panic. She stoppedseem to understand that she is struggling every
looking and feeling but one of her doctors had today to remain upbeat and get on with her life
go looking and found lumps in her neck and armpitknowing she has cancer inside ...and to learn to live
and now she is trying not to worry. Thus the PETwith this disease is an ongoing struggle.
scan and all that follows. She has a PET scanAs she is through with treatment for now, and is
scheduled for next week, a ton of lab tests andstarting to look more "normal" again, people want
then the appointment with the oncologist. Horribleher to be "OK" all the time - and she"s NOT. It's
anxiety appears every time this has to be done.has changed her and her life forever, she will
Again, the outside world is missing and notnever be the same person again.
understanding. This is the most important time forThis is so important for the friends and family to
the family and friends to step up and be asunderstand and acknowledge. She needs all of the
supportive as ever. This is a frightening time forsupport and love that is there for her. Now and
the patient and the not knowing is terrible. Sheforever because there will be down days, bad
really needs love and understanding at this time.days, scary days and she needs YOU!
She's tired of not being able to express the fear